Unpacking Toxic Masculinity
The term “toxic masculinity” has become a buzz word in the past few years of social discourse. It has been helpful in the ways that it has allowed for discussion around the ways that Western society has constructed a format of traditional masculinity that has been at the center of sex discrimination in the eyes of many modern feminists. Since it has become such a common phrase, it is important to define the term and know where the language comes from.
A men’s movement in response to second-wave feminism in the 1980’s-90’s coined the term “toxic masculinity” in an effort to help men reconnect with their true masculine selves. For that group, it wasn’t really being used as a way to discuss the inherent problems with masculinity but actually to reverse the so-called damage society has done to the “deep masculine” parts of men.
In its current connotation, toxic masculinity is about calling out and acknowledging gendered behaviors that are oppressive towards women and femme-identifying bodies. Using the word “toxic” designates certain male characteristics as immediately negative rather than naturalizing them. For example, the “boys will be boys” trope normalizes behaviors such as objectification, aggression, and emotional abuse/immaturity , while calling them toxic flags them as destructive.
How do we then recognize these toxic traits when they come up and how do we address them with people in our lives?
Acknowledge/Validate Your Own Experience
If you feel harmed in any way whether it is emotional or physical by some expression of toxic masculinity, acknowledge that experience within yourself
Even if you don’t have the words for it, allow yourself to hold space for anything that comes up when confronted with that behavior
Calling Out vs. Calling In
It is not your job to educate any male-presenting person on their positionality and privilege; however, if you have the capacity, you can make it known how their actions are directly affecting you.
Center your own experience and perspective when speaking to the person who has enacted harm
Feel free to signal to an ally who may have more agency in the situation to call out or call in on your behalf
Exit the space whenever you feel the conversation is no longer safe or productive
Engage with women-centered content
Read feminist literature
Engage with art by and for women
Have conversations with yourself and people you love about what these pieces bring up for you
There is no foolproof way to fight against toxic masculinity but starting conversations about it with the people in your life is a great way to start. If we become more familiar with what parts of masculinity are having negative consequences on our lives and build language around those, then everyone of all gender identities will benefit.
Written by Mya Ison
